First Snow

29

Posted by Guria | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on Thursday, December 24, 2009




It was snowing very early in the season. 
Meera hated the snow. For some reason it kept reminding her of the trail of blatant red her drunk mother had left in the white lawn before she had placed herself in the way of the speeding bus. Everything else had blotted out.
Winters and snow had meant she'd be drinking in, and the neighbours witnessing her departure to her place in fair weather with her bottle in hand, spilling along the way.
This was their first Christmas without her. Her and her aunt's. It took little for her aunt to burst into tears but Meera was secretly glad. Truth be told she didn't miss the woman who had died. The mother she had loved had died long before that.
Meera silently decorated the tree bringing out the dusty ornaments that hadn't been used for almost ten years. Her aunt was sitting by herself by the window alternately looking at the snow, and the photograph of her dead sister in her hand.
"She loved the snow, you remember", she said.
Meera mumbled something incomprehensible. Her aunt didn't notice.
"It meant that her Meera and she had to go out into the snow, tussle and fight and roll around", she had a faraway look in her eyes, smiling at a stray memory of the past.
Meera froze in her act of hanging the mistle-toe. She didn't want to think of the first snow. That it used to be the best time of the year. For her and her mother. 
"Cathy, I don't want to talk about her. Please, Cathy. Don't. Why don't you snap out of it? It's been a year for God's sake. Get out of it!"
With every syllable uttered Meera got angrier, "I don't miss her for one bit. She didn't when she started drinking. She didn't when I came away to live with you."
As expected her aunt started to cry. 
Meera sighed. She should have known better than to harp on that again.
She went to her aunt and crouched in front of her, "I'm sorry, Cathy. I know it hurts you that I didn't love her, and that I don't miss her. But I do wonder what she did to deserve so much loyalty from you?" She added with a derisive laugh.
Cathy looked up, her eyes glinting. 
"She gave me back you."
Meera froze. 
"What are you talking about?"
Her eyes were blazing, Meera saw, not from tears but rage and something else.
"She gave me my daughter."
Guilt. And Remorse.
"Whaa--aat??"
"I had you when having an illegitimate child still meant living in the dumps, shunned from the society. My sister hid the truth and me from prying eyes, and away from me killing either you or myself. She gave you a place in the society as her own daughter, loved you as such, and let me have you, too".
Her eyes flashed but her lips quivered, "What do you call that?"
Meera was transfixed. She stared into her aunt's face seeing nothing.
She was illegitimate. The mother she had known wasn't her real mother. She couldn't grasp it. She looked into her aunt's face. No, not her aunt, her mother. Her biological mother.
She stood up abruptly, and shook her head as if to clear it. 
"Well, she didn't do a good job after all. I had to fend for myself. The semblance of a family I had was taken away from me. The drunk mother."
She turned to leave.
"Yes, the drunk mother." Cathy replied softly, looking down, "Who came to learn that her husband had fathered her sister's child. Who was hurt and betrayed by every person she had loved. Whose daughter, the centre of her life, albeit unknowingly, chose her biological mother over her... Yes, she was only human.
"It is Christmas-time now but her Christmas was only ever with you. You were her family. God, how the two of you loved the first snow."



N.B. I understand you may not at all like this piece. But I am writing after a long-long-long time. Just felt like getting off the mark, anew being less choosy and less critical, taking head-on the block that has developed in my mind, that keeps telling me I can't write worth shit. Whatever your opinions and inputs, however, I gladly value them.  Love, G.:)

Saying Goodbye

19

Posted by Guria | Posted in | Posted on Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Would you understand if I said that I'm a mere human? And one of the lesser ones? As much as I tried to scrape my way upwards to make more of myself, to rise above all the small and frivolous things, I always manage to slide back down. I have also cherished dreams of being big, but I never learned to stop feeling with my heart. You can say I don't have enough scars, yet, that just another hard tap on my nose will fail to bring tears to my eyes.
Petty things still make me jerk up, with widened eyes that crunch with hurt in the next instant, and lower with unwarranted shame. I try to be good, good for not only me, but everyone around me. But it is as if, their failings are all ploughed against me, than them, whose jubilant laughter at my tied hands, make me feel further away from the person I so want to be. All the small things, a small of word of hurt, a sneer, mean little pranks, a loud voice calling me names, a rebuke, I am above them all, aren't I? But how do they still reach out to me, smack me and make my eyes burn? So finally I give up. I have to leave, I'm leaving for the world of anonymity where I will be alone but content. I will have only me to think about me. 
Expectations are the real culprits, I know that just like you do. But I do not know yet how to stop. How to stop loving, stop expecting? All I can say, I need to leave to stop that hope taking birth in my heart, misinterpreting every gesture, thinking you care. I'm saying goodbye because I am not strong enough to let the current play and take me places of hurt where I never wanted to go. I'm leaving behind people I love, I know, and some may even love me back... but the lure of anonymity, the pull of being free of my own expectations for once overcomes me. I'll say goodbye till I can come back greater and bigger... above and beyond being hurt, with no hope, loveless and no expectations of anyone. That is what growing up is all about isn't it? I can't ever return, only a heartless cynic can.




P.S. Chill, I'm not giving up blogging! 
P.P.S. This is not about me! G.

All in A Day's work

60

Posted by Guria | Posted in , , , , | Posted on Saturday, December 05, 2009

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 5; the fifth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
The first Saturday of every month. It happens like clockwork. Trepidation and excitement rolled into one. Furtively I step around, work and home left behind. Excuses, one after the other, each more feeble than the last. 


"Let it go", screams my mind. But I am like a dope-deprived addict swaying madly, frantic at even the prospect of what might come, what might be. This time I won't, I promise myself, chanting over and over again, convincing myself. But as the day dawns, I imagine them working, striving, building, creating. And I sneak out. I am compelled to. 


"You can't", sneers the mind, "look at you, a life in front of you, deadlines that will make your future all set, only if you do not digress. You want to give that up for a single day's recreation?" I turn a deaf ear, I have to, the choice was always made, only I had stopped to delude myself. I will keep trying, have to, no matter what, pushes the stubborn will, and the weakened resolve. 


The first Saturday was here. it was the day for Blog-a-Ton.


I ran over to the venue. It was time. The day had begun.


There was fire all around, glaring and dancing around the huge black boulders. There were stalactites and stalagmites, but black as soot. It was a place made of rocks. Everyone around looked like a square, just like their profiles in Facebook, sitting around. And each one of them had a laptop. I had come empty-handed, nothing with me as yet, just to see how others were doing. They looked up as I entered. 
The Marshal was flexing his muscles, baring his teeth, "You'll never get my vote, you worthless lump!" 
Madhu, the defending champion, came over and said soothingly, "Of course, you are good. You are the Maverick! But I'm better!!". He cackled madly.
I couldn't believe two of my favourite people could say that. Men are cruel, I thought, nearly in tears.
And I bumped into The Solitary Writer, "You wanted to compete with me, eh? Watch me tear you apart!!" I stammered, "You were supposed to be my friend...." But it dissolved into nothingness,as he transformed into something big and green in front of my eyes. When suddenly Shilpa appeared, "Don't worry girl, don't mind them, let's play Farmville." I actually heard horses neighing and saw reindeers (?) flying. 
But it wasn't to be. I couldn't be content, just farming. I went ahead deeper into the cave. The daylight was almost absent there. I saw a very tall lady sitting on her haunches. When she saw me, she stood up. And I cricked my neck trying to look at her, whoa, she was at least 7 feet tall. "You don't remember me", she said sadly. "They call me Lambi." She made to shake my hand, but I was so scared thinking that she will wring my neck, that I ran away. And bumped into my friend Neha, "You were supposed write in my blog, and you are here??", she screeched. Sid was there (I could see his "Stupidity" name tag) and he doubled over laughing. Pawan was shaking his head, "You were my friend but alas, no more". Shankar telling me, "I won't ever let you ride my Ferrari" Anamika crying, "You are a good-for-nothing Bengali". Dhiman was shaking his head too....
I was now bawling, tears were flowing uncontrolled, unashamed.... everyone hated me.... just because I had no post! 
Suddenly the Marshal tapped on my head and cried in a booming voice (he now resembled Hagrid), "The hour is approaching. You will vanish at 0000 hrs. Be warned...." 
Where had the time gone? I had to write, write for my life. Anything, anything at all. I saw I had a pen in my hand all along, but I couldn't pry my laptop open. 
Then I saw Avada Kedavra, The West Wind, Roshmi come from behind, they were casting Patronuses, "Don't worry, keep fighting. We are still here. You can write. Just think". 
And I thought and thought and thought, darkness was becoming even darker, and I was still thinking, all alone. Every one had gone home. And I started writing about 'Saving the World' (!!) with a stick in my hand on the dirt. And it was almost ready. I started running.... The Marshal was laughing jubilantly, as he was pulling the the huge rocks together, with bare hands, closing the gates. And out of nowhere a hand came out, Bharathi (looking something like Rannvijay of MTV Roadies) pulled me in. And now I could submit my post..........


The damned beeping alarm woke me up before I could complete the whole dream, err, nightmare (which was more of a result of Harry Potter, lack of ideas, being not-too-cold, and a very warm quilt) and submit my dratted post. But with it came relief, and the  realisation, the day is just beginning, there's still time for writing the post. I can stop running around, and there weren't actually those embarrassing tears. And I will write and submit just to get these scary multiple personalities off my back.


So, all in today's work : 
  1. Write down the nightmare. 
  2. Apologize to everyone. 
  3. Share laughs?? (Please be lenient)
  4. Get back to my deadlines.
  5. Get a life?
And last I saw, Madhu, Stephen and the Marshal are as nice as ever. All of the characters are still my friends. And Shankar doesn't have a Ferrari. :) :)


N.B.  I am grateful that I didn't dream of each and every one of my blogger-buddies. I don't think I would have been any shape to write the post then. As it happens, one was one too many! 
The nightmare is partially true. Embellishments are obviously there, but please do NOT be offended (this is supposed to be funny, if you are awake). Or should I say,


"All the characters (not names) are purely fictional, any resemblance to any living person is a product of my over-active imagination, and a sign that I care enough to dream about you (even if it is in a nightmare)"


Lots of Love,

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Just in Passing...

21

Posted by Guria | Posted in , , | Posted on Thursday, December 03, 2009

I am in Science, for those who has never been to my profile, it is my passion and profession. We, friends and colleagues in the field, talk about a lot things which sound like waffle to a few, indecipherable and boring to others, and completely an alien language to the rest of who aren't enthusiasts. 
But what really matters sometimes is what only the common man knows, meaning something that is common knowledge, irrespective of your profession.
So, there is one thing, I wondered, how many actually may know or heard of? And I thought where better to ask than this blog that has brought forth so many people from so many spheres. (Professionally though most are in computers)


So, this is what I wanted to ask... 
Do you know who is Albert Einstein?
If "No", it is okay. You may have heard of him, may not know him... it is not a crime.
If "Yes", I need you to proceed.


Do you know what was Albert Einstein's major contribution?


If you do, or have a vague idea or at least have an inkling, I need you for this final question :


Have you heard of S. N. Bose or Satyen Bose? Do you know who he is?


There's no need to look for the answer. Just wanted to know whether people do know him. If you are interested, the information from Wiki can be found here. But please, if you are leaving a comment, leave it before you check the link. It will help me. Thanks a lot. (An Impromptu Just-Like-That Survey :P)
Guria :)
P.S. I am back! :) :)

How My First Tooth Fell

6

Posted by ☆Ths[Schrei]☆ | Posted in , , , | Posted on Thursday, December 03, 2009

As the Girl Bloggers Only guest post Series progresses, we have had short stories crammed with intense feelings till one, this one is different being filled with joy and smiles from one of my sweetest blogger friends. Tharangni (i really love the name) of The Melancholy of Life is the youngest blogger I know. She talks about a funny incident in her life, which I am so glad to post on MM. This girl writes such heartfelt, deep yet innocent posts, she makes me go back over and over again. This is one is a cute blogger and a beautiful blogger and a poetic blogger. Hugs and Kisses, girlie, and many thanks for the short and sweet post. Love, G.:)






The Following Post is a Guest Post for Guria's Blog.



Everyone likes to share their experiences as well as their past. And I love to do so too! ^_^
I don’t know why, but I always seem to remember the things that always happen first. As a matter of fact I even remember how my first tooth fell, and how my second tooth fell too! Here’s what happened.

The day when it fell was a Sunday. I was in (Place Private). My mom was dying her hair and I was in the second grade (2002). I don’t remember the date though and I don’t know whether my dad was at home or whether he was on a tour. Anyway, I was drawing a picture, which I called it the ‘kids ship’, (those days I loved to draw and color) though I don’t know where it is now. But I think maybe my mom might know where it is. I was sitting in the diwan and I was coloring that picture. I used go to the washbasin mirror from time to time, to check on my tooth. I used to stand on my toes to see the teeth in the mirror because I wasn’t tall enough to see it ‘simply’. And at the same time, when I used to color the picture I used to shake that ‘going to fall’ teeth with my tongue, so that I can get it quickly as I was the only girl in the class whose first tooth still hadn’t fallen! And the suddenly when I was coloring and shaking that teeth, it broke! I rushed to the basin and asked my mom to move aside and then I took out my first tooth! :D It was an incisor (from the down) and I rinsed my mouth thoroughly to get the blood out of my mouth. Then my mom asked me to tell ‘Fish’. I said it. But the syllable ‘sh’ was pronounced as ‘shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh’ with a slight whistle. So on the whole I said fish as ‘fishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh’, with a slight whistle. And that was also the first time I whistled.
And want to know how my second tooth fell? Well I don’t know the day or date or time or even which class, but it fell when I was sleeping in the night! :D And when I woke up the next day, another incisor gap was there next to my first gap and the I realized that I must have swallowed that tooth in my sleep. Funny right? XD


Tharangni

#3 The Meeting

22

Posted by Rajalakshmi Umapathy | Posted in , , , | Posted on Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Another guest post (and MM is on a roll), the third in the Series comes from a very happy-go-lucky, always smiling, very patient (with the dumb me, at least), sweet and pretty blogger (fondly called) Raji of the blog, TAKE LIFE AS IT COMES, that speaks eloquently of her optimistic ways. One of my favourites for her simplicity, and yet intricacies in her beautiful thoughts, she's got a winner for a guest post in here, making MM a third-time lucky? This one's a thoughtful blogger and a smiling blogger and a beautiful blogger. Thank you, girlie. Love and Hugs, G.:)

Her long black hair blew wildly in the wind. She stood waiting, wanting and willing him to arrive. Her bright blue eyes stared across the water, looking at the tall trees which seemed so small in the distance. Her long waistcoat sat heavily on her shoulders and gently brushed against her knees. Her hands strained as she held the heavy briefcase which occasionally banged on her legs; making her wince with pain.


The everlasting sound of the water gave her chills as it washed to and fro constantly; every wave getting louder; every wave getting closer. The bare trees clinging onto the last of their leaves as the harsh wind ripped them bare. The sky seemed angry as dark, heavy clouds took over.


She shuffled her feet as the small pebbles made them ache. Taking deep breaths she glanced, again, at her surroundings. For what seemed like hours, she had stood in the exact spot he had asked her to meet him. Shutting her eyes tight she wished to be somewhere else; somewhere special to her.


Opening her eyes she found herself in the same place. Tears filled her eyes as she lost herself in the memories. This was the old lake where the sun shone and where she played as a child, but now it was a forgotten place where no-one went. She couldn’t understand how something so pure could become a forgotten memory, to be filled with misery and horror.


She thought of him and what he had become; with him, her life had turned dark.


Every second more she waited seemed a lifetime. The sky began turning darker and darker as night crept upon the unsuspecting day. The sudden ‘hoot’ of an owl made her jump. Taking a long deep breath she tried to calm her nerves. Her breathing slowed but her heart carried on beating rapidly in her chest and the nagging voice in her head telling her ‘it’s the end.’


A far off sound of a car began to approach, slowly and steadily, getting ever closer. Emotions rushed around her head. Doubt and fear took over, she glanced over her right shoulder, perhaps he hadn’t seen her. Maybe she could go and he wouldn’t find out.


For a matter of minutes she debated with herself. Making up her mind she began to turn around to make a quick exit; but suddenly jolted back as he was coming and he was almost there, the sound of the water had masked the sound of the approaching car, she couldn’t go now as he would see her and follow her. She couldn’t wait; within the next few hours she’ll be at home. Some where she felt safe, unlike her current surroundings which now she felt were built for fear.


As the engine turned off, the world around shushed; as if it was listening to them. The deadly silence made her hold her breath; it was as if the forest was holding its breath alongside her. This made her nerves escalate.


The door opened; the sudden chill of the outside air sent a shiver down his spine. He stepped out slowly waiting for her to turn and greet him. In wonder he shut the door behind him and leaving it unlocked he stepped slowly but always getting ever closer to her. The sound of the pebbles crunching under his feet echoed quietly around the trees. He held his head up high; unashamed he carried on.


She knew he was walking towards her; like she was his prey and he was getting hungry. The trees were each perfectly placed, to hide them from their many towns surrounding the forest. This intimidated her as no other living being was around; they were secluded away from everyone else; carefully hidden.


Felling his presence at the side of her, she daren’t turn to face him in fear of what he might do. She could hear him breathing heavily which made her fill with regret. She continued looking across the lake, waiting for him to speak. They both stood there not sure what to say to each other.


"H…H…" he stuttered. He cleared his throat and continued bravely "Hello. Thanks. No. Er… Thank you for meeting me." Peeling his eyes from the view, he turned to look at her forcing a smile. When his glance reached her face, her troubled eyes still stared out not noticing the view but looking deep into thought. For the next few seconds they stood frozen to the spot.


All was still until she glanced down. He watched her long black hair fall down covering her face. Secretly she wept inside thinking of the past and of what could have been today, but now all she wanted to do is get rid of the briefcase. She pulled the briefcase up which caused her extensive pain in her arms due to the numbness caused from holding it; the pain showed in her face as she scrunched up her eyes and bit her teeth together.


He reached down and took hold of the briefcase. He could feel the cold leather touch his hand. She pushed it further towards him and dropped it into his hands. The sudden unsuspecting weight of the briefcase made him fall off balance as it pulled on his arms.


Her worries were over. She stepped away from him slowly as the cramp in her legs made her feel stiff. As she walked away she could see the trees clearer now and with every step she saw a different part she hadn’t noticed on the way here.


Upon reaching the opening of the forest she heard the sound of the car engine drown out the less quiet and less intimidating noises, which had previously engulfed her in horror. The pebbles below her feet soon began to thin down, revealing a mud track below. The track was wide making a clear cut through the forest; she noticed weeds growing through and the leaves and twigs littering the track. Occasionally the wind came and threw the leaves around like they were its toy, until it left suddenly leaving them slowly dancing to the ground. She kept to the side of the track where it was worn away and a deep indent was set. Walking down the track was difficult as it was uneven and big thorn bushes grew spreading onto the track. The sound of the car got louder as she moved herself around a large thorn bush, she glanced back.


The shine of the car made it stand out from its background. The black car seemed new, almost perfect, apart from the deep scratch running straight down the front from the front windscreen to the top of the number plate. The windows were slightly blacked out; making it hard to see him. Through the window she could see him; or rather just his shadowy outline. She looked at the shadow, unknown to her they were looking into each other’s eyes.


She turned around and continued walking. She wondered why he would bring his car down the smaller path; this was made for walking, the other path was terraced and had less overgrown bushes and trees.


The sound of the car was getting louder and this signaled to her it was getting closer. She turned around and gasped loudly. Pair of bloody red eyes were staring directly towards her. Turning, she ran. The pain in her legs disappeared within a split second. The speed of the car unnerved her. She looked left and right, looking for a way out. It was a cat and mouse chase and she was the mouse. She knew already it was at least a half an hour walk to the nearest bus stop to take her to the town. A sudden realization came over her. How could she out run a car? She stopped.


She gradually turned around; it was less than three seconds before it was almost upon her. She could see him more clearly now. Tears poured down her face and the world paused as she whispered "Bye"


Black.


Forever.


..............................

#2 A Loser

39

Posted by Shruti | Posted in , , , , | Posted on Sunday, November 29, 2009

I am supposed to write something about the next guest blogger of the Series of Guest Posts, and I don't know what to say. My sweet 'little' friend, just like a sister and an enchantingly thoughtful writer, she surpasses herself everyday. I give you, Shruti of Hits and Misses, she writes to move you, completely and totally... Gave me a guest post in less than 24 hours of knocking at her Facebook door! If you don't read her, from now on you always will. This one's a beautiful blogger and a thoughtful blogger and a 'tall' blogger and a honey-sweet friend! Love you dearie! G :)

Hi Mom,

This is your elder son Aaryan. I hope you remember me. You may wonder what am doing. Mom, do you know anything about me? My friends tell me that 'Mother is the only human being in this universe who nurses, pampers and supports you both in good and bad times. She is the one who showers you with unconditional love, care and affection'. I have experienced them till you gave birth to Nithin. It has been 24 years since I have experienced love, motherly love. Nithin was brilliant, fair unlike me. But he is not compassionate like me. I have been longing for your love. Dad speaks with me occasionally. But you care for Nithin always. Why mom? I have been a loser all through my life. But mom, till you showed your love, am first in everything. from sport to academics. When your love diminished my performance lessened. I faced failures. WHO WILL LIKE A LOSER?


I studied hard for all my exams and went to exam. But through my window i saw both you and dad waving to Nithin. I forgot everything I studied and wanted to hug you like Nithin. But you avoided me. Gradually Nithin studied well and got your attention. But me, on the other hand literally failed in all the subjects and became a dumb-head. WHO WILL LIKE A LOSER?


Once, I went to music classes that you organized. But later I learnt that the fees was paid only for Nithin. When I came home and asked you the reason. Mom, do you remember the reason? You said Nithin LIKED music. But you never knew, I LOVED music. Later when Nithin won a music competition, I was the no-hoper again. WHO WILL LIKE A LOSER?


Have you ever sat beside me and asked me the reasons for my worst performance in academics? I still remember the night when my XII result came. I got 74%. When dad was discussing about my higher studies, you told, "Honey, he is a loser. How much ever we spend on him, we will get disappointed. Instead if we make Nithin study MBBS he will study well and make us proud.". Still dad persisted, "Lakshmi, we have to make Aaryan study too. We are his parents too". A fight broke between you two and finally dad asked me to do BA in economics. I wanted to study Engineering. But I was afraid of losing the string of love you had on me. I wanted to finish the degree without arrears. But things had never fallen in its place for me. I failed again. WHO WILL LIKE A LOSER?


I was completely lost when you spoke with me face-to-face on my 22nd birthday. You told me that am a black mark to our family. You further added fuel to the fire that You are ASHAMED of being the MOTHER OF A LOSER. You finally asked me, "Aaryan, I don't know why you are living and why God created you!". If you had stayed there you would have heard the shattering sound of my heart. That day I decided to make you proud. I wanted to get back your love. Mom, though you love Nithin, you failed to understand that I LOVE YOU! I left house without informing you. But later learnt from my friends that you never bothered about that. Again I faced failure, this worse than everything. WHO WILL CARE FOR A LOSER?


That was the day, which turned my life upside down. I wanted to prove You, Nithin and everyone that I am not a Loser like you people think. I joined Indian Army as a Commando and rose to the post of Major. Now am Major. Major. Aaryan Bharadwaj. I am posted in, sorry, I was posted in Siachen Glaciers. You may wonder about the change of tense. Yes mom, you will be receiving this letter, the day I sacrifice my life for our country. Mom, in a few hours, they will bring in my body for performing final rites. I've one final wish that can be granted only by you. Mom, I don't know whether you will cry for this LOSER, but give me a kiss in my cheek like the one you gave me before giving birth to Nithin. Mom please mom...

With hugs and Kisses to my dearest Mom,
Aaryan Bharadwaj.

Lakshmi's hand trembled on reading this letter handed over by Commando Rajanth Singh (Aaryan's best friend in Indian Army). When she saw her son's body covered with the Tricolor Flag, she broke down completely. She cried so much and wanted her son to comeback alive - she realized her mistakes and understood her son's love. But it was too late. He became a Hero for the entire country and they felt his loss. She caressed his soul-less body, kissed him and hugged him. The missed hugs and kisses were there, but Aaryan wasn't there to embellish the moment.

WHO WON'T LIKE A HERO?

With Love,














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